doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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