I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
