At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
