How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
