If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
