So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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