you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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