i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
