so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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