Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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