so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
