OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's Friday. Sex?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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