I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
