hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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