There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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