Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
