Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Found the puke drawer
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
