Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
