I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
