I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
