Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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