I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
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I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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