Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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