i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
