just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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