Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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