i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We are all done wearing pants today
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