Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
