so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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