wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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