This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
