It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
