i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who