I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it