she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.