My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom