I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
