his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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