Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
