i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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