i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
