watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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