Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
