remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
