I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
