do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
