you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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