Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
