Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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