After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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