i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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