9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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