I think im going to throw up on grandma
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?