And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".