It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.