I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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