all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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