she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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