UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
