Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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