I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
