I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
