call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
