then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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