he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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