Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
