Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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