Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
