Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
