This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
