break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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