I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it was like eating out sand paper
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
