Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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