Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
